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Lyrics

I told myself it was just a game
Something to kill the hours
Something to keep my head busy

But somewhere between the battles
The late nights
The jokes
The names on the screen

It became the first place in years
Where I felt like I still mattered


I started playing just to disappear
Just a screen, just a war, just a way out of here
Just a map full of strangers, just numbers and names
Till the strangers turned human and remembered my name

I was winning again, yeah, I needed that feeling
Had a hole in my chest, but the ranks started healing
Spent more than I should just to stand at the top
Cause in real life I was frozen
But in there I was not

I had people who laughed when I walked in the room
Had a game wife who saw through the jokes and the gloom
Had friends that could tell when my silence got loud
Had a digital family while I drowned in the crowd


And I know it was pixels
I know it was fake
But the love that I felt there
Was real either way

I was useful
I was needed
I was more than my head
I was alive in a place
While the real me felt dead


So I logged out without a goodbye
Couldn’t face all the names on the screen
I said I was working
But I was just hurting
Shut down where nobody could see

And I thought if I left it
I’d forget it
Like it never meant something to me
But I don’t leave places
I leave when I’m breaking
And call it a reason to breathe

I logged out without a goodbye
But I never stopped missing the team


Truth is, I lied when I said I was busy
Hardly worked, hardly lived, hardly felt like I’m with me
I was stuck in my mind with the lights turning low
Told myself, “Just delete it, then nobody knows”

But addiction ain’t always a bottle or powder
Sometimes it’s a kingdom where your name sounds louder
Sometimes it’s a chat full of people who care
And you don’t know the line till you’re already there

I was chasing the power
But I think underneath
I was chasing the feeling
That somebody needs me

Every upgrade, every fight, every late-night plan
Was me trying to prove I was still that man

And I hate that I vanished
I hate that I ran
But goodbye felt too heavy
For the state that I am

So I disappeared quiet
No speech, no last post
Cause the people you love
Are the hardest to ghost


So I logged out without a goodbye
Couldn’t face all the names on the screen
I said I was working
But I was just hurting
Shut down where nobody could see

And I thought if I left it
I’d forget it
Like it never meant something to me
But I don’t leave places
I leave when I’m breaking
And call it a reason to breathe

I logged out without a goodbye
But I never stopped missing the team

[Special Thanks]
So this one’s for Sysia
You helped me more than you know

For Balldrick and Gav
Banter kings and real friends

For Chubby Chop
Making the dark days less bad

For Mystic and Sharry
Those big hearts

For Grandpa Dave
Stay rolling in that chair

For Monçi and Peggy
Always a listening ear

Skyrrrr
Sorry I bankrupted your enterprise

And to all that I forgot
This is for you all
My Soapies


You were names on a screen
Till you became something real
You gave me a place
Where I didn’t have to conceal

And maybe I spent too much
Maybe I lost track
Maybe I had to leave once
Just to find my way back

But I came back different
Not chasing the crown
Just grateful the people
I ran from were still around


I logged out without a goodbye
Couldn’t carry the shame in my chest
But I’m back for the people
Not wars, not the ego
Not trying to prove I’m the best

And I know it was pixels
But somehow it fixed us
In moments the real world went cold

You were never just players
You were proof I was cared for
A home I forgot I could hold

I logged out without a goodbye
But I came back to say what I mean


Thank you for keeping a place
For the broken part of me