Fought Not To Be

Lyrics

I swore I’d never be him
Never be the ghost I feared
But the mirror’s laughing.


My goal was never to become my father’s clone,
But I still ran from the ones I should’ve called home.
Stay away so I don’t prove the lies I’ve been told,
Should feel love for my wife and my kids, but my heart stays cold.
How can somebody this sharp still feel this dumb?
Say I don’t need nobody, truth is I’m scared I’m numb.
Don’t wanna die alone, don’t wanna repeat
All the broken roads my role models walked in defeat.
I rage without reason, my words cut deep like knives,
Push people away just to keep control of my life.
Say “I love you,” but sometimes it sounds rehearsed,
Like the blueprint got corrupted when I got hurt first.

I was built like a warrior, never sent to war,
All my battles stayed inside, left my spirit torn.
I survived the darkness, but now I see,
I gotta learn to be human… let myself breathe.

I fought not to be what my past made of me,
Fought through the shadows, but they still won’t let me free.
I wanna feel love, not just fight or pretend,
Learn to be human again even if I bend.

I rage to protect, but it cuts just like a blade,
Every fight, every word leaves wounds that I made.
The armor that once kept me alive in the flame
Turned into a prison cell with my own damn name.
I hide in my strength, but it’s all disguise,
See the emptiness staring back through my own eyes.
That warrior code was a lie from the start,
Helped me survive, but it shattered my heart.
Crazy how the pain built the man I became,
Now it’s a cage, not a badge, not a title, not fame.
I wanna feel, I wanna break through the wall,
Even if being human means I’m imperfect through it all.

To my wife, I’m sorry for the pain and the strain,
For the chaos, the damage, the pressure, the rain.
For every hard word, every night you lost sleep,
For the wounds I created that still run deep.
You’ve been my rock, my anchor, my light in the storm,
You’ve been loving the broken in a man half-formed.
This time it ain’t for pride, not for image, not for me,
It’s for you and our children, for the man I need to be.
To my little ones, still too young to understand,
I’m sorry for the pressure and the weight in my hands.
I wanted you strong, wanted perfect somehow,
But I see that your spirit doesn’t belong to me now.
You’re your own souls, your own light, your own flame,
Not extensions of my fear, not carriers of my pain.
I love you beyond words, deeper than I can explain,
And I’ll die before I pass down this hurt again.
I’ll give you the version of me that you deserve,
Not distant, not bitter, not stuck in reverse.
I’ll fight to evolve, be present, be true,
A father, a husband worth standing next to.

It ain’t weak to feel, it ain’t shame to hurt,
The love I’ve been missing got buried in dirt.
I fought not to be  what I feared I’d become,
Now I’m learning to live instead of just run.

I fought not to be what my past made of me,
Fought through the shadows, but they still won’t let me free.
I wanna feel love, not just fight or pretend,
Learn to be human agai even if I bend.

I fought not to be what my past made of me,
Fought through the shadows, but they still won’t let me free.
I wanna feel love, not just fight or pretend,
Learn to be human again even if I bend.